War Of The Gargantuas: The Entire Godzilla Series Ranked From Worst To Best

If nothing else, you can say this for Godzilla: he's been in a lot of films. Not only is Godzilla the longest-running film series, but the sheer number of titles a rewatch requires necessitates full weeks to accomplish. In other words, even his series is huge.

As such, ranking all of these films is no small task. Nevertheless, here it is, a professional ranking of the Godzilla series that is sure to satisfy everyone who reads it.

If you thought Godzilla's Reiwa era consisted only of Shin Godzilla, think again. It also includes this trilogy of anime films. The movies enjoyed an actual theatrical release in Japan, while they went straight to Netflix everywhere else. You can view them as three separate films, but it's more apt to consider them one four-and-a-half hour-long enterprise, since that's essentially how the narrative works. The premise is actually cool: humans abandon Earth to Godzilla and a bunch of other monsters. Now they've returned to take it back. And to be fair, anime Godzilla looks great. The problem is everything else. Each film offers a whole lot of talking between unlikable characters followed, finally, by a little Godzilla action. When other notable monsters appear, it's in forms that are sure to disappoint long-time fans. 

I'll tell you what I like about ol' Ebirah. Of all the things a giant crab could do, he chooses to stick close to one island and kill anyone who tries to enter or leave. Why? He's just a very specific jerk!

I also greatly enjoy the human story in this one, which starts weird and grows more and more bizarre as the film progresses. And there's Mothra! And a giant condor named Ookondoru. The problem is none of these elements end up coming together as well as you hope. Godzilla in particular feels shoehorned into the proceedings, though it is pretty fun watching him declaw Ebirah.

The first entry in the Heisei series is a visual stunner, but then every Heisei movie looks amazing. Still, it counts for something that Toho returned to the game with such an amazing improvement on the Godzilla suit. The main problem here is it's just no fun to watch an essential remake of the first Godzilla. There are only so many buildings he can knock over. While Godzilla is the film's only giant monster, he does battle with an attack ship called the Super X. The Heisei films love to pit Godzilla against ships like this, and Super X is the lamest of these by a long shot.

This movie should be so incredible yet somehow manages to just be okay. For one thing, SpaceGodzilla – while massively reaching to do so – does bring together plot elements seeded through the Heisei series. So that's kind of satisfying. And SpaceGodzilla is a super cool monster. He's like Godzilla but with more teeth and giant crystals coming out of his shoulders. He has some unique attacks that make his fights somewhat interesting. Plus he is mean to Baby Godzilla (yes, there is another Baby Godzilla).

Some simple things hold it back, however. The score is a real excitement-killer, but worse than that: M.O.G.U.E.R.A. This giant robot, meant to be kind of an evolution of the far superior Mechagodzilla, is a visual disaster, one the film keeps insisting is as exciting as Godzilla or his extraterrestrial counterpart. There is a lot to like with SpaceGodzilla, which is exactly what makes it such a frustrating watch.

The battle between these titans is a lot of fun and also represents only the last few minutes of the film. So get ready for a lot of business on the way there. Luckily, there is plenty to enjoy here, even if Toho's version of Kong falls quite a bit short of the majesty of his 1933 version. Also, it turns out Kong gets superpowers by electricity. Who knew?

The final Showa entry introduces a new, bizarre monster named Titanosaurus who almost steals the show from Mechagodzilla. Godzilla has his hands full with the two enemies, but the real joy of this one comes from the non-monster characters. For starters, you have a mad scientist who teams up with villainous aliens simply because he hates people so much. But on top of that, you also have a doomed cyborg lady who falls in love with a handsome marine biologist. And as a cherry on top of it all, the film features a super cool Godzilla theme park. People like to say Godzilla movies never had interesting human characters, but that's simply not true, especially in the Showa era.

This is a perfect movie except for several terrible elements that keep it from being just the fun silly monster fight movie people defend it as. One, it is simply way too long. A silly monster fight movie is already on thin ice at the two-hour mark, and this one is even longer than that. Two, Kyle Chandler's Mark Russell is the single most annoying character in any Godzilla film. Godzilla films can get away with bland human characters if the action works, but obnoxious characters are a bridge too far. Otherwise it is a perfect silly monster fight movie.

This is just pure Showa magic. With Mothra, you can sometimes get tired of all the hits played on repeat (the twins, their song, infant island, Mothra sacrificing herself, etc.), but it's fun to see its classic form. There's a lot of anti-greed messaging in the human story that makes humans more villainous than Godzilla (though Godzilla is still a villain to Mothra's hero), which is fun to see since pretty soon aliens will take over as series antagonists.

A direct sequel to Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla, Toko S.O.S. keeps the original story of Godzilla's fight against Mechagodzilla going but improves things by adding Mothra to the mix. At one point, three Mothras! The two films are almost equal in quality with some especially fun action sequences. Yet the addition of Mothra gives this sequel a slight edge. But c'mon, watch them both.

This film is so good. Ghidorah makes his grand entrance as an alien who immediately earns his place as Godzilla's greatest foe. But even before that, this film has a delightfully bonkers human plot and a scene where Godzilla, Rodan, and Mothra all talk to each other (translated by Mothra's twins, of course). Mothra's trying to convince them to fight Ghidorah with her and save humanity. Their answer is no because humans have always been mean to them. That's cute and bratty and insane all at the same time.

It's a free-for-all! Due to its promising title and even more promising roster (Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Anguirus, Minilla, Baragon, Manda, Gorosaurus and others), Destroy All Monsters is an easy favorite for Godzilla fans, to the extent that it might be just a tiny bit overpraised. While the film is not quite as amazing as its reputation indicates, you could still do a whole lot worse. No film with Baragon can be bad.

We're in the super classics now. And I think it's fair to say no Godzilla movie has a plot as bizarre as Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, to the extent that a mere synopsis would not do it justice. Let's just say there is a lot of time travel involved. And a robot who looks like your dad. And we might even witness the origins of Steven Spielberg's fervent imagination. Meanwhile, the film is not too wrapped up in its story to deliver amazing action (this is a Heisei film, after all).

This film tends to divide people. I get it. The humans are on the boring side, and it's not exactly a slugfest. Instead, Gareth Edwards' film goes the Jaws route, playing with audiences' expectations and building toward a grand reveal of our new Godzilla design. Even if you don't like the film, you have to admit our boy looks good here, especially when blowing atomic breath into a Muto's open mouth. For some, putting this in the top ten will seem blasphemous. But I have to go with my heart, and my heart adores this special film.

Sometimes Toho hires directors who put their own spin on the franchise. At no point is that spin more outside the lines than in Yoshimitsu Banno's Godzilla vs. Hedorah. Godzilla's first foray into the 1970s is an acid trip of a film, featuring a kid who plays with Godzilla toys, animated sequences, a musical number and an ever-changing monster who will never be topped in terms of sheer disgust. For real, this movie will upset your stomach. Godzilla vs. Hedorah never entered the Paris Climate Agreement and it shows.

If you define a Godzilla film by its fights, story, and monsters, this might actually count as the series' best entry. Godzilla – steamy and glowing red due to his heart's impending nuclear meltdown – looks so amazing here. As does his foe, Destoroyah, a monster made from the one thing to ever kill Godzilla, the Oxygen Destroyer from the original film. Destoroyah is a big boy, and the idea that Godzilla must fight him while suffering the worst heartburn you can imagine makes you really feel for the poor guy. Destoroyah marks the end of the Heisei series and Toho made extra sure Godzilla went out in suitably grand style...

"Godzilla Minus One" serves to bring the titular monster back to basis after the experimental "Shin Godzilla," and the result is a film that captures what made the 1954 movie so influential, so striking, so poignant — and most importantly, so terrifying.

The film takes us back to post-war Japan, an uses that setting to explore some poignant themes and stories about the Japanese people's post-war horrors and traumas, including criticisms of the government's role in the war and their disregard for human life. Writer-director-VFX supervisor Takashi Yamazaki gives us some of the best human stories in a "Godzilla" movie, focusing on the plight of Shikishima the kamikaze pilot and his lingering PTSD and survivor's guilt. Where most godzilla movies have government or military types as their human protagonists, "Godzilla Minus One" is all about the common man, about battered people who have been through absolute hell, and take it upon themselves to take up arms once again not for king and country, but for each other. They don't fight to the death, but fight to live. This gives the film one of the most triumphant displays of the power of the human spirit in a recent film.

Then there's the titular Godzilla, who goes back to his origins as a primal creature, a force of nature with only one goal — destroy. Every time Godzilla shows up it is a moment of sheer terror, his atomic blast now looking like the mushroom cloud of a nuclear blast. This is the King of the Monsters at his finest. (Rafael Motamayor)

Except somehow they managed to pull this off. It's bold, I know, to place Shin Godzilla above the original, but for a Godzilla film to play at this level in 2016 is absolutely incredible, so incredible that the film went completely over my head when I first saw it. And while everyone should definitely see the 1954 Godzilla, this very worthy update has greater potential to move modern audiences.

Shin Godzilla takes Godzilla back to its roots not by having the scariest monster (though it by far has the scariest monster – Godzilla is almost Lovecraftian here in terms of existing beyond our comprehension), but by using Godzilla as catalyst for an honest reaction to real-world disaster. So instead of focusing on Godzilla, the film zeroes in on the silliness, the cravenness, and ultimately the flawed greatness of government bureaucracy, one of the least Godzilla-worthy subjects imaginable. The film isn't fun, exactly, but it is funny, while also offering genuine terror as well as a hard-won optimism for the human race.